


I'm not suicidal, nor am I crazy.

by Splicers



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Abuse, Child Abuse, M/M, More tags to be added later to not spoil plot, Multi, Physical Abuse, Trigger warnings inside, Verbal Abuse, french words, lot's of swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-20 03:10:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3634398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Splicers/pseuds/Splicers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxas wasn't suicidal at all, he wasn't crazy either. But his mother was.<br/>Seven months later Roxas finds himself in a psychiatric ward, with 14 to 24 year-old's. The most eye-grabbing person there was a tall-somewhat perverted-redhead. Is he there just to make his life hell? Or to help him?</p><p>[Currently on Hiatus]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> And I finally have a series. I've had this story thought out for awhile, never really wrote it until a few days ago. I have all the characters planned out and most of the story line planned out, so I hope you enjoy this. There's gonna be a lot of abusive triggers/things in this story. So please read with caution.

* * *

 

_“Cloud what’s wrong?” The golden blond teen asked the adult sandy blond. The older blond turned and faced the younger blond. The elder’s eyes were somewhat bloodshot, red fingerprints along the front of his neck. The younger gasped and put his hands along the fingerprints. The elder jumped at the touch._

_“Cloud, what happened?” The younger asked worriedly, slowly running his fingers along the elder’s neck. The older blond sighed._  
_“Dad’s gone, mum’s gone insane. She chocked me awake…” He said his voice full of sadness. His gazed moved away from the younger._  
_“Is all his stuff gone?” The teen asked. The adult nodded his gaze still not on the younger. The blond teen’s hands dropped from the neck, and he wrapped his arms around the elders’ waist._  
_“We’ll be fine… let’s go see Zack, to look at your neck.” The younger mumbled into the older blondes’ chest._  
_“Yeah…let’s do that Roxas, we’ll take my bike.” The older blond said as he patted the teen’s head. The teen nodded._

 

* * *

 

_“Why did you kick him out?!” The blond teen yelled at his mother._  
_“HE is the reason your father left! He’s un-holy!” His mother yelled back at the teen. Both were fuming with anger, yelling at each other; it was a verbal fight._  
_“That’s bullshit! He isn't “Un-holy”, and you’re the reason father left!”_  
_“Don’t swear in my house!”_  
_“I’ll say what I want! You don’t own me!”_  
_“I AM YOUR MOTHER! I OWN YOU, YOU SELFISH CHILD!” She yelled at the top of her lungs, she lunged at the empty wine bottle on the table. She threw the bottle at the teen; hitting him directly in the chest. The class shattered at the contact, cutting his shirt and skin. He yelped in pain as blood slowly oozed though the ripped shirt. Glass stuck in his skin, blood flowing around the pieces. Droplets of blood stained the wooden floor below. The blond teen fell on his hands and knees; unable to stand from the pain. He heaved and panted as salty tears fell down his face, onto the floor along with the blood._  
_The floor was now stained with velvet red blood, and tears. The mother laughed at her child in pain. She was happy, as he got what he deserved; karma for yelling at her. As she laughed, she walked back into the kitchen, grabbing a broom and dustpan._  
_The blond boy fell onto his side, falling onto pieces of glass as well. He whimpered at the pain, panting, trying to keep his breath as he slowly bled. His mother smiled as she swept the class onto the dustpan; not bothering to call 911 for her slowly dying son. The teen’s vision began to blur, his eyelids closed on their own._ _He passed out, breathing shallowly as his mother cleaned the mess._

 

* * *

 

  
_“How’s he doing, yo?” A redhead asked the older blond brother. The blond sighed, reluctant to answer the question._  
_“I don’t know. Horrible? He hardly gets out of bed.” The blond replied he looked at the hallway; where his younger blond brother slept. His eyes sad and full or worry. The redhead saw the pained face of the blond, and patted his shoulder._  
_“I’m sure he’ll be fine, if not; we’ll be here to help him.” The redhead told the blond, the blond looked over his shoulder and gave a gentle smile toward the redhead._  
_“Yeah…you’re right…I hope this ends soon…”_  
_“I hope so too, you both suffered a lot.” A male with black haired said to the redhead and sandy blond males. Both turned their heads to look at the black haired male that appeared in the hallway of the where the younger blond slept, the blond smiled at the sight of the male. The redhead nodded his head in acknowledgment._  
_“Cloud, Roxas wants to see you. He said that he doesn't feel well to come out here.” The black haired male told the sandy blond male, the blond nodded and stood up from the couch. He walked down the hallway, passing the black haired male on the way. Once he arrived at the bedroom of his younger brothers’ door, he gave a few small knocks. A shy voice said “come in”; the elder blond opened the door. Inside his brother sat on the bed; holding a pillow to his chest, the older brother walked toward the youngers’ bed and sat down beside the golden blond brother._  
_“Lie down with me…” The younger said in a timid and quiet voice. The older brother just nodded, lying down on the other pillow on the bed. The younger brother slowly removed the pillow from his chest and put it beside the other pillow. He moved slowly as he placed his head down on the pillow, once lying, he inched closer to his older brother. Placing his head under the older brother; curling into him. The sandy blond brother wrapped one of his arms around the golden blond brother; rubbing his back. Both fell asleep a few minutes later._

 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, just a prologue. Pretty Short, but the main chapters will be longer.


	2. Chapter 1 : Somewhat unhappy

_“You think you’re perfect, huh? You and your perfect little appearance!” She yelled at me as she pointed her finger at my face._

_“What do you mean?! I never once thought I was perfect!” I protested, I’m not perfect…I fucked up a lot…_

_“OH! REALLY?! That’s what your father said when he left us! He said he left because you were too perfect for us!” She kept yelling at me, leaning into my face as if to be more intimidating. I hate her and her lies._

_“LIAR! Dad would never say that! He left because of YOU!” I yelled back as I pushed her back by her shoulders. She tripped back a bit and looked at me with a shocked look in her face. I hate her, I hate her._

_“You’ve done it now, you stupid fucked up child.” She said as she turned around and walked toward the kitchen. I heard some rummaging before she reappeared again with a gun… W-when did she get a gun…?_

_“You’re-You’re not supposed to have one in the house…” I stuttered out of my mouth. She shouldn’t have a gun in the house; she’d get arrested, wouldn’t she? Why am I not moving? Move legs…move!_

_“It doesn’t matter; I’m tired of your bullshit.” She said with disgust in her voice. Was she going to shoot me? She then pointed the gun at me, my eyes widened, no, no, no. I tried to turn around and run toward the front door but I heard a click and a loud bang. She said something but I couldn’t hear what she said. I felt myself fall and crash, and then blackness._

* * *

 

I woke up screaming, and pain searing though my right shoulder. I groaned in pain and fell back, I landed on something that was neither soft nor hard. Was I in the hospital? I think she shot my shoulder, dammit…

In the next moment I heard a door open and about three people came in, one was a doctor and the other two were nurses. The doctor was a tall and looked kind of old, he had blond hair with a beard. The nurses just looked like a clean version of those nurses from _Silent Hill_. The doctor looked at me surprised and rushed to my side, the nurses following him. He looked at me before fixing the IV in my arm and the bandage; which I just noticed I had on, on my right shoulder. I groaned in pain when he touched my shoulder and the nurses left the room. I stared at him once he was finished, a nurse came back and handed him a clear clipboard with papers on it.

“Hello Roxas. I’m Dr. Ansem Wise; do you know why you’re here?” He asked me with a questioningly look. I shook my head and he wrote something on the clipboard, probably writing about how I don’t know and I have memory loss. I remember the gun being fired and then waking up here.

“Well your mother told us that you threatened her with a gun. And once she tried to take it away, you shot yourself. She also told me that you were suicidal since your father left.” He said. What in the actual hell… No, that lying bitch. You were suicidal, you hated that dad left us and blamed it on me. I stared at Ansem with disbelief. This was stupid, you’re not even allowed to have loaded guns inside residential areas in Canada. She probably got it from a mugger, stole it off of them. Ansem sighed and wrote more stuff on the clipboard.

“We think you are unstable to go back to your home, so once your arm feels better you’ll be going to the psychiatric ward for teens and young adults.” He said again, some displeasure was in his voice as well.

“Amazing. Can’t wait.” I said in a sarcastic tone, he gave me a look that said ‘ _Don’t make this harder than it is’_. Ah yes ‘cause I’ll be fine and will be released after a week of being there and then I’ll be with my psychotic mother. He sighed once again, as he wrote more stuff before leaving and having nurses come in my room with food. Well, I hope it’s better than my mother’s cooking…

A week of exercise for my right arm. Writing, lifting weights (they weighed like a pound), moving my arm in stupid motions. My right arm was mostly better, still had to wear a sling so that I wouldn’t “strain my arm”, or so that’s what they told me. Some half-friends visited me in the hospital, though I really didn’t care about them, never really liked them, they were still stuck in school.

A nurse came into my hospital room with a wheelchair; she motioned for me to get on. What I can’t walk over there and must be wheel-chaired there? I complied anyways and sat on the stupid wheelchair, we went down some halls and up the elevator then down some more halls until we stopped at two large doors and a sign saying ‘ _Teen & Young Adult Psychiatric Ward_’. So I’m gonna be in a room full of fourteen to twenty-four-year-olds, fun…Sarcasm.

The nurse told me to stand up in a rude voice, I glared at her before standing up. I hate this place and these people already, I’m not gonna make any friends in this place. She opened the door and I walked in, in there I was greeted with Ansem once again. He gave a small smile when he saw me, I didn’t smile back though.

“Nice to see you up and walking, Roxas.” He said in his usual monotone but with a bit of emotion voice. I stared at him and shrugged, he gave me a look of concern before he shook his head.

“Well, I’ll show you to your room while you’ll stay in this place. You may get visitors but only on certain days and with my approval.” He said and I nodded, as we walked I saw people who were strange. Some had odd colour hair, pink seemed to be the most unusual to me so far, they all look like they’re over twenty. I hardly seen any teens here, so at least I wouldn’t have to deal with them. But those odd hair colour people probably think I’m one of those teens who’re like _“I hate the world. No one understands me!”_ which is bull. My mother shot me and pretended I was depressed, and shot myself.

Ansem and I stopped at a door that had my name on a plaque beside the door. He opened the door and I stepped in, him following me. The room was simple, a twin-sized bed with a white dresser beside it and a lamp on top of it. A wooden desk and wooden chair, well I won’t need that anytime soon. There was another room beside me, which I assumed was the bathroom. I looked at Ansem, whom was standing at the door.

“Lunch is soon, and you’ll be having daily therapy sessions with me. You can either chat with the others or hang out here in your room. Though I think you’ll probably only use this room to sleep and shower.” He said and left the room, letting the door slowly close behind him. I stared at the door as it closed then looked back to the room. I already hate this place… I turned around and opened the door, I walked toward the area with the couches. I wonder if they have stuff I can draw with... Might as well go n’ check.

Once in the room I inspected the bodies (they aren’t dead) that’re around. Man with long spiky red hair, spiky pink hair man, sliver-blue haired guy, and some blonde-antenna haired girl. The rest of the people looked like people you’d see every day, I flopped down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. What am I doing here? What am I doing with my life? I looked at the coffee table that stood in front of the couch; I noticed some magazines…no scratch that, many magazines, but no drawing utilities…well then. I turned my head back to look back at the ceiling but came face-to-face with a man with emerald eyes and some upside down teardrops under his eyes? Ah, it was the redhead I saw when I came into the room. I stared at him as he smiled, oh great, I have an alarm going on in my head saying ‘Pedo alert’.

“May I help you?” I asked in an annoyed but nice tone, or so I thought so.

“I wanna know what a baby-face kid is doing in a place like this.” He replied. Did he just call me a baby-faced kid? What the hell… I gave the man a glare as he stood up and I sat up from the couch, staring at him as I sat on the couch. He had a small smirk on his face, this guy is weird.

“If you so must want to know; my mother shot me and told the hospital that I shot myself as if I was trying to commit suicide. Now leave me be, I have no interest in dealing with someone like you.” I replied as I stood up to walk away from him. But was stopped when someone grabbed my left wrist, most likely the redhead. I turned around and looked or well glared at him. I shook my wrist out of his grasp and fully turned around to look at him.

“You sure that’s what happened?” He questioned. Oh my god, this guy…

“Yes it is, I have many reasons to still keep living. One being able to see my mother die and then laugh at her funeral, and then see my brother who’s in London visiting some cousins.” I said to him, my voice was a mix of anger and being pissed off (Is that even an emotion?). His eyes widened, and yes it’s all true. Seven months ago our father left, and our mother got abusive. My brother was kicked out three months later, and then four months later; I’m here. My brother’s about twenty-one, he’s been in England for maybe a month. I don’t remember, been awhile.

“So your family is from England? Guess that’s where the accent comes from.” He said with some shock in his voice. Did I have an accent? I don’t know, never thought about it, but it’s probably why people like me now that I think about it.

“No one ever told you about your accent?!” He exclaimed in amazement. Well if I was looking at you weird then no, no one has told me I had an accent. He began to laugh…what the hell? Why’s this guy here? Just to make fun of the others who come in?

“Why’re you here?” I asked in an annoyed tone, he looked taken aback at my question. Oh, so no one has ever asked you? Surprise, surprise, you jerk.

“Me? Well, I burned my parents’ house down, and they think I’m a psychopath.” He said as he pulled back his left sleeve. He had a bunch of medium and large scars on it; burned too, I stared at them for a bit before he pulled it back down. I was about to say something but a random nurse appeared to do an announcement.

“Lunch is ready! Come to the dining hall!” She said with enthusiam, her voice was high-pitched, made her sound really gross. Wait…where was this “dining hall”? I looked at the redhead and he looked at me, he rubbed the back of his head.

“C’mon, I’ll show ya to the dining hall and we’ll continue our conversation there.” He said as he patted my back and motioned me to follow him. Well I got no other option and followed him to wherever this ‘dining hall’ was. While we walked I noticed how taller he was compared to me…he was like a giant. Tall people…wish I was tall as my brother…

We arrived at the dining hall and it showed one giant table that could seat about eighteen people if needed. On the table there was plates of what seemed to be sandwiches, jello and a glass of water. I looked over at the redhead and he kept walking into the room, I followed him since there’s no one else in this place that seems to want to be my friend. _Because you’re “Suicidal”._ We both sat down next to each other and I stared at the sandwich they’ve made. Peanut butter and jam… This place is trying to kill me, ain’t it? I sighed and took the Jell-O cup and ate that, I felt stares of others. This place! AH! I felt someone poke me, I looked over at the one who did and it was the redhead. I gave him a questioning stare and he pointed to the sandwich on the plate, I sighed once more.

“I’m allergic to peanuts,” I said, taking a bite of my Jell-O. His grabbed my sandwich and was replaced by another serving of a Jell-O cup, I looked at him with another questioning stare and he shrugged.

“One serving isn’t gonna fill ya, take mine since you can’t eat anything peanut related.” He said, well something nice happened out of the bad. I gave him a small smile and he gave one back, he playfully pushed my right shoulder but that hurt. I dropped the cup I had and grabbed my shoulder, I winced at the pain. It wasn’t horrible, but still kind of hurt… I let go of my shoulder and let out a breath, and grabbed the Jell-O cup once more.

I finished eating the Jell-O, and could feel those stares. I hate this feeling and tension, I’m leaving… I stood up from my chair; using one hand to stand up since my arm’s still in a stupid sling! And moved away from the chair to push it in, after I began to walk out of the dining hall, still feeling the stares of the others. I walked down the hall and went toward the direction of my room, but was stopped by Ansem. He gave me a small smile before he spoke.

“Roxas. You have a guest here to see you, follow me.” Was all he said, before he started walking toward double doors. I followed; well I wonder who’s here to see me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is. Yeah there's a lot of angst Roxas, and I used Jell-O a lot haven't I? Oh well. Also I said that the actual chapters would be longer than the prologue. And yup I made them live in Canada, my home land, eh. Because I have no clue how stuff happens in the U.S.A..


	3. Chapter 2: Brother?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Something I don't know how to explain, but it is a trigger for some people. Read with Caution.

A visitor! Oh, a visitor. What fun. I really hope it’s not mum, god that’d be horrible. Ansem and I walked through many halls; and by many I mean like four and a half, before coming to a halt at another set of double doors. I looked above the doors and read the sign, ‘Visiting Hall’ it read. I’m amazed at how many doors and signs this place has. Ansem turned around and looked at me, is he gonna tell me who’s my visitor?

“I do not want to interfere with you and your visitor conversations. You’ll walk in alone and hopefully you’ll see him.” He said, he then unlocked the door and opened it. So my visitor is male? Well, Here I go. I walked into the room, and it was a bit brighter than the ward. I had to squint so my eyes slowly adjusted, I heard the door behind me, click shut. Once my eyes were adjusted, I began my search for my visitor. I found him! He was standing by a window, facing the outside. His hair is as spiky as ever, and wearing the same colour ensemble; black and grey. I smiled to myself and began to walk toward him, I’m glad that the others’ voices covered the sound of my footsteps. Once behind him, I wrapped my only good arm around his back, he jumped at my actions. I smiled to myself.

I stopped hugging him, so we could be face to face. He turned around and ruffled my hair; smiling as he did so. He stopped ruffling my hair and pulled me into another hug, careful not to hurt my shoulder. I hugged him back with my left arm. We stood there in silence, hugging each other; it was when he patted my heard that I stopped hugging him. We went to sit at one of the tables, sitting across from each other; he looked a little distraught and confused…

“Apparently you’re suicidal now.” He said in a joking manner. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

“Mum’s the one who shot me and put me here.” I replied, he sighed.

“I shouldn’t have left…”

“No! You deserved a change of scenery. Don’t let what mum did make you regret seeing Tifa and them!” I practically yelled at him, though kept my voice low enough for only him to hear.

“But-” He started, but I interrupted.

“Stop…I provoked her anyways…” I told him, my voice filled with guilt.

“…What happened?” He cautiously asked.

“We were arguing again. This one was about dad… She kept blaming me for him leaving and she was all in my face… So I shoved her back and that’s where everything went downhill. She got the gun from somewhere, and before I was able to run out; she shot my shoulder.”

“I’m sorry… I wish I could’ve brought you with me…” He quietly replied.

“She would’ve locked me in the house. It’s okay Cloud, I promise.” I said to him, taking hold of his hand. We fell silent, only the voices of others could be heard.

“So, anything or anyone interesting here?” He asked, moving away from the old topic.

“Well there are a few weird haired-coloured people. And they tried to make me eat peanut butter.” I told him.

“Right, forgot you’re allergic to peanuts…” He looked at the clock across the room. “Oh, sorry Rox, I gotta go. Zack’s waiting in the lobby and probably wants to run in here or start spamming my phone.” He said as he began to sand up. I stood up and practically ran to him; I hugged him as tight as I could with one arm. He tripped back a little as I smushed my face in the middle of his chest. His arms wrapped around me and kissed the top of my head.

“I’ll miss you, Cloud.” I whispered into him. I felt him rub my back.

“I’ll miss you, too. I’ll come back as soon as possible, with or without Zack.” He said. I lifted my head to look at him, I gave him a gentle smile and he gave one in return.

“Tell him I said _Hi_ , alright?” I said as I slowly let go and backed away.

“Yeah, I will. I love you, Roxas.”

“I love you, too, Cloud.” I quietly replied, he placed a hand on my head, and kissed my forehead.

“Be good now. I’ll see you soon.” He said, I nodded and watched him walk away. I sighed and walked in the opposite direction, back toward the ward. I opened the door, but took a quick glance back at Cloud… He’d just walked out the doors. I went thought the door and made my way back toward the ward. I thought Cloud wasn’t coming back for another two weeks… Ah, it’s my fault his vacation was cut short.

Once I arrived at the ward, I sighed again and slowly opened the door. I really want to take a nap… but that was probably not gonna happen since I was stopped by the redhead. He’s annoying; I wish he’d leave me alone.

“Do you want something?” I asked in an annoying tone, crossing my left arm around the sling. He gave me a small grin.

“Yeah, to chat.” He said in a somewhat cocky tone.

“Leave me alone, you pedophile.” I told him, uncrossing my left arm and began to walk away. I was stopped by him grabbing my right upper arm…

\---

_“You’re too small to be fifteen; maybe you’re lying to me. And you’re really only twelve!” The man yelled, as he pinned me against a back-alley wall. My birthday is in two weeks, so I would be fifteen… He held me there by pushing my upper arms to the wall. I tried to yell, scream, fight back, anything…but I’m too scared to do anything. Someone save me…please…anyone…_

_His hands slid down my arms, down to my wrists; slowly bringing them above my head. My body was shaking in fear; I closed my eyes, hoping this was all a dream. He took both of my wrists into one hand, holding them there by squeezing them together. His other hand slowly made its way down to my stomach. I squirmed at the touch, I heard him laugh._

_“Let’s have some fun, boy.”_

\---

My mind went blank. I was scared and felt despair. I think I kicked the redhead in the stomach. All I heard was a loud bang and the sound of someone moaning and groaning in pain. Then I was running; I was running to my room. The sling broke and I was now running with it just hitting me in the side. Someone was running behind me. I couldn’t concentrate on what happened before I was in my assigned room. I locked the door and slid down; hitting the floor, I began to cry. I heard banging on my door and someone trying to speak to me, but I didn’t want to talk to them. I don’t know why I remembered that event… I… I thought I had forgotten about it… It seems I haven’t. My mind drifted into the realm of sleep, I want to put that event behind me again… I never want to think about it, or even talk about it. It hurts…my heart, my head, my entire being; it all hurts…

 

* * *

 

_AXEL_

I fucked up, I really fucked up. I should’ve just let him walk away. He probably doesn’t even remember me…or what even happened that day. From the moment I saw him, I remembered what made me burn down that house. I almost died, and I remember those dark red eyes, instead of the sapphire blue eyes that he has.  Maybe I sounded cocky when I asked him to chat… my voice sounds cocky at random times, maybe it did.

I can hear him crying on the other side of the door… Did I trigger the memory of being shot? Would he talk to me again? My heart is aching. Do I like him? No, I just feel bad that he’s crying because of him. Yeah, that’s it. I saw Larxene and Zexion pop their heads out into the hall (where all the rooms are); they looked confused and maybe shocked? I ran my fingers though my hair and stood up, I looked at the door and the crying slowly died down. I still feel bad though…

I walked toward my room; opened the door and sat down on the bed. And then groaned in pain…that’s right he kicked me in the stomach. Lifting up my shirt I saw a light purple bruise forming on my stomach, well this hurts like a bitch. But I probably deserved it, maybe? Zexion walked in my room; I quickly pulled down my shirt, hiding the forming bruise. He sat beside me on the bed, is he here to question what I did to that poor blond kid?

“I heard the noises, and saw your bruise. What did you do?” He asked me, holding a book in his lap; he wasn’t looking at me but at his book.

“Said the wrong things, pretty much sums it up.” I told him, I moved back a bit so that my back was against the wall.

“You’re so stupid, you know that, Axel?” He said as he stood up, book in hand. He turned and faced me, I raised my eyebrows; questioning him.

“You shouldn’t be mean to him. He’s deeply damaged.” Zexion told me seriously. What did he mean “deeply damaged”?

“What do ya mean by “deeply damaged”?” I asked Zexion has officially grasped my attention with his last statement.

“I’ve read his file, and saw his body. Kids’ lived an eventful life; a lot of it filled with bad events. He doesn’t need you to harass him.” He said, and walked out of my room. Saw his body? What the hell does that mean, Zexion?! I sighed and fell onto my back, there was a small stab from the bruise but I ignored the feeling. I don’t harass the kid. Sure, I tease the kid, but I don’t harass him. Unless Zexion picked up the tone in my voice (again I don’t try to sound cocky, it just happens). And now I’m suddenly mad at the kid for kicking me… This is going to be interesting, in how my brain tells me how I should feel.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually didn't intend to have Axel's POV in this chapter, but then I realized how short the actual chapter was. Also, sorry this took so long. I was busy with school and learning how to play "Maps" by Maroon 5 on the Guitar. (Yup, that's why we're learning in my school's guitar class) Anyways, hope you like this chapter and enjoy! <3


	4. Chapter 3

I awoke to the sound of someone knocking on my door. I slowly cracked open my eyes, the light in my room was bright. I blinked a few times; trying to adjust to the lighting. Knocking came once again; I slowly stood, cracking my knees, back and ankles. Ew, that sounded gross and some hurt. I turned around and turned the handle, on the other side revealed Ansem. I yawned and waved hello. He looked at me strangely.

“Did you just wake up?” He asked in a very confused voice, I nodded in reply. I scratched my head and waited for the reason, of why he woke me up. The door was currently being held by my foot, since my left was arm was scratching my head and the other arm was being useless in its stupid sling…Oh wait, it broke when I was running. I forgot.

“It’s 10am. It’s time for you session, let’s go. You’ll be able to eat after the session.” He told me and motioned for me to follow him. 10am, huh? I slept a lot then… I followed him, though I was still half-asleep, so I have no idea how I made it to Ansems’ office. I found myself sitting across from Ansem. A desk separating us; but damn, he had a lot of stuff on his desk. It was silent for a while, and then he spoke.

“Are you depressed, Roxas?”

“No. I know what depression feels like and I am not depressed.” I told him sourly.

“I see…why’re you here?” He questioned.

“My mother went psycho after my father left us,” I told him, talking about my mother is pointless now.

“When did your father leave?”

“What’re we today?”

“October 20th”

“April 17th.  Seven months ago is when he disappeared.”

“Where was your brother when he left?”

“Cloud was there, but in June, he was kicked out and had to move in with his boyfriend; Zack. I could’ve gone with them, but I was only sixteen and she still was my “Legal Guardian”. I had just turned seventeen in late September, the 27th.”

“What is this “Zack” to you?”

“Zack’s like another older brother. Cares and loves for me, like any brother would…”

“Do you want to see him?”

“Yeah... I miss him.”

“What about the ones from where you were born?”

“I miss them, but I miss him the most…”

“Alright, I’m done with my questions for today. Anything you would like to say?”

“Well… First of all, I’m allergic to peanuts. Oh! And could I have some mechanical pencils, erasers and either a sketchbook or papers...?”

The room stayed silent as he gave me a curious look.

“Why do you need those things?”

“…Drawing…Soothes me…”

“I’ll see what I can do. Our session is now over, you may leave. A nurse will be waiting outside the door, to check your shoulder.”

“Alright…goodbye…”

I stood up from the chair and watched as Ansem wrote stuff down. Well, I’m wide-awake now… I walked toward the door to his office, turning the handle I opened it and again was greeted with a person. An old nurse; she couldn’t be older than sixty; she had short grey hair, soft brown eyes. She was somewhat shorter than me, she seemed sweet.

“Follow me; I’ll be removing your bandages.” She told me rudely. Well I should never judge someone by their appearance. I sighed and followed her; she made me sit on a chair as she got bandages and gazes. She removed the sling and put clean bandages around my bullet wound.

After a while she handed me a plastic bag thingy? I don’t know, she just told me to put it around my shoulder when I showered (probably telling me that I smell like shit and need a shower).  I walked over to my room once more; with the plastic thingy, and walked into the bathroom. Locking the door, I began to remove my clothes. Once I took off my shirt, I looked at myself in the mirror. There was some old and new scars, they covered the most part of my back and chest; most of its from the knife fight with my mum; that ended horribly.

Once I finished my shower, my hair smelled like strawberries. Of course I used the weird plastic thingy, the nurse gave me. I put the clothes I had on before, back on. I exited the bathroom and noticed two things different in my room; there was a pile of clothes on the bed, and something on the desk. Oh…they gave me new clothes to wear…well this is weird. I changed into the new clothes, folded and placed the old ones on the desk. The objects on the desk were a somewhat large notebook, with a set of pencils and erasers beside it. I smiled to myself, I flipped open the cover of the sketchbook and ran my hand along the paper; it was soft, beautiful to draw on. I couldn’t draw in here; it’s too…white… I picked up the sketchbook, a pencil and an eraser.  I left my room and began walking over to the Dining hall, I probably took a long enough shower to make it almost noon.

I sat at the end of the table; close to the entryway. I placed the eraser on the table and flipped the sketchbook open, touched the paper again (it’s extremely soft, don’t judge me…) and then began to draw Cloud’s face. I can’t remember the last time I drew, but Cloud’s face is easy to draw; with the exception of drawing the second eye. Once most of it was finished, I flipped the page and wrote “Cloud” on the back of his face. So I’m ambidextrous (able to write with both hands), but I usually draw with my right, and write with my left… I have no clue why. I went back to drawing Cloud. 

“That doesn’t look like you one bit.” Someone said behind him, and I screamed. Yup screamed, I’ve always been easily startled. I looked at my drawing and saw a line, going up the page, from one of Cloud’s spikes. Great…

I looked behind me and saw the blue-sliver haired guy from my first day here (I think I called him the emo guy or something). I gave him a sorry look; he then nodded and pointed to the drawing of Cloud.

“It kinda looks like you, but it’s not you.” He said once again, about my drawing. 

“Yeah, it’s my older brother. We look a lot alike.” I said.

“Hm, you’re pretty good a drawing though.”

“Thanks…?”

“Zexion.”

“Thanks Zexion, I’m Roxas.”

“Pleasure.”

Zexion seemed like a man of few words, he walked over to one of the seats next to me and sat down. I never noticed but he was holding a book, and began to read it once he sat down. He looks so peaceful and at ease reading, maybe he wouldn’t mind if I drew him… Wow Roxas, stalker much. Oh well. Flipping the page over, I began drawing Zexion on the page after Clouds’ name. He has an easy face to draw, and by that I mean, that I don’t have to draw his other eye. I could never colour my drawings; I suck at colouring. I could do colour palettes, but that’s it. There are noises, why? I looked up and saw nurses start placing trays of food, in front of each chair. A tray was placed in front of me; with the same meal as yesterday. I put my pencil in between the pages and placed it beside the eraser, the other patients came in.

The redhead was holding his stomach, with the blonde antenna girl and pink haired man following him. Did I actually kick him? I feel extremely horrible now. I ate everything but the sandwich until a hospital worker came by and told me that it was peanut free. I still felt extremely guilty at what I did to the redhead. Once I finished eating, I looked over to Zexion who went back to reading his book. Would he know their names? I saw him with them on my first day in here, I opened my sketchbook and wrote Zexions’ name behind the drawing of him. So, how do I ask him their names?

“Do you want their names?” Zexion suddenly asked, of course his voice startled me and I jumped.

“I…er, yes please.” The sudden scare seemed to make me lose how to speak for a bit.

“Larxene; the blonde. Marluxia; pink. Axel; red.” He said and then went back to reading his book. I said thanks and wrote their names each behind a different paper. Axel… so that’s his name. I should go apologize, because he’s gone out into the ward somewhere. I grabbed my things and went on my search for Axel, he isn’t hard to miss. His red spiky hair was poking out from the couch. I went over to him and went on my knees, apologizing for kicking him is necessary in my books. I poked his check; didn’t stir, I poked closer to his eye and his eyes snapped open. He was staring at me in annoyance and anger; I think I actually pissed him off.

“What?” He asked in an angry tone, yup, I pissed him off. He’s going to be a jackass about it.

“Never mind, you wouldn’t care.” I said and was about to get up before he grabbed my wrist.

“No, no, tell me what you wanted.” He said, I sighed and sat down. I placed my sketchbook on the coffee table behind me.

“I’m sorry for kicking you; I thought you were a certain psycho.” I told him, it wasn’t really her but that guy. But I would never tell him that, it’s long gone from my memories once more. He gave me a small laugh.

“Apology accepted. But I got a bruise now, y’know your kick hurt, A lot.”

“Look, I don’t control my strength when I’m panicking.”

“Hey, hey, it’s good… So, child, what’s your name?”

Did he just call me child?

“Well, Child,” I mocked, “The name’s Roxas.”

“Roxas, huh? Exotic, the name’s Axel. How’re old are you blondie?”

Blondie? Seriously? These nicknames are worse than Reno’s…

“Seventeen. What about you pyro?”

“Twenty, but you look younger, eh.” 

I was about to reply but that nurse with the weird high-pitched voice called out to me.

Roxas Strife, please head to the visiting area. She told me, I sighed and stood up. Mumbling a “see ya” to Axel, I began my way to the visitor hall. Once I left though the first set of double doors, I forgot about sketchbook that was lying on the coffee table. I mentally cursed myself, and kept walking. I wonder if it’s Cloud visiting again, with or without Zack. I’m guessing it’s them, mum wouldn’t visit me. Would she? No, she rather have me away from her. And dad, one hundred percent doesn’t even know I’m in here. When I arrived, I was instantly greeted by my precious visitor.

Fuck. My. Life.

Why must this happen?

Dammit…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea why it took so long to get out. I could've gotten this posted on Saturday but that failed. Also fun fact: my dad is ambidextrous, so I used that to my advantage. When Zexion and Roxas were introducing themselves, I had written this part about how some kid was named "Montagne" (French for mountain), but I wrote it horribly and sadly got rid of it. Yeah I know a kid named Montagne... Anyways, hopefully the next chapter comes out sometime this week.


	5. Chapter 4: This is New and Intersting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo!! So proud of myself being able to post another chapter. I personally really like this chapter, because of things you'll read in it. Anyways, enjoy reading! (It wasn't letting me post it as the 24th of April, so I had to put it as the 25th so it'll actually post)

_Axel_

There goes blondie, or well _Roxas_ , as he put it. I was pissed off at the kid for kicking me, but now that he told me it was because of a memory of getting shot; that seemed to make me accept his apology. Wait… wasn't he holding something before he left? I sat up; ignoring the pain on my stomach, and sat on the couch like a normal person would. And looked around the room; Marluxia walked into Ansems’ office, Zexion slowly emerging from the dining hall, and Larxene… just flopped next to me on the couch.

Larxene has been here long than Marluxia, Zexion, and myself. She’s pretty much in here for being a schizo, but they want to examine her and what the voices tell her. The doctors here are extremely weird, and Zexion’s pretty much here for the same thing. Though it’s more or less, to watch his bipolar mood swings, and the doctors also examine his every move mostly. Larxene sighed, and looked over at me.

“I want to electrocute all these medical personnel.” She said, fisting her hands in her hair; pulling it a little. Then, Zexion had sat on the other side of me on the couch.

“We share the same sentiments.” Zexion said, Larxene’s arm went behind me and ruffled Zexion’s hair. She gave a small chuckle when Zexion removed her hand. I get easily distracted, and noticed the book thingy on the coffee table. I could tell they were talking to me, but the book thing; caught my interest. I leaned back on the couch and opened it. A pencil and eraser dropped out, Larxene and Zexion were watching me open it. I flipped over the cover and saw a drawing of someone with spiky hair; it looked so realistic so far, though there was a random line from one of the spikes. I heard Zexion mumble something, but couldn’t catch it. I flipped over the page; on the other side of the first drawing was a name. _Cloud_ , it read. On the next page was Zexion… I looked over at him; he had a confused expression on his face.

“He drew me?” He silently said, I looked over at Larxene and she was just confused completely.

“Who drew you?” She asked Zexion.

“Roxas.” He replied, Larxene thought for a moment, before snapping her fingers.

“He’s that short blond kid, right?” She asked him again, he nodded. I gotta say, the kid can draw; extremely well too. And his writing is pretty girly… I mean, uh, nothing. Don’t take that last part to heart. I flipped over the next few pages; revealing mine, Larxene’s and even Marluxia’s name, on a page. I closed the sketchpad? (I think that’s what they’re called), and tossed it back on the coffee table.

After that little adventure, Larxene talked more about how she wants to murder or electrocute all of the medical personnel. With Zexion and myself, responding every now and then. And then arms wrapped around my neck, and I saw pink. Marluxia…

“ _Morceau de merde_.” I said, I know full well, that he can understand what I just said. Larxene gasped and slapped my arm. Marluxia let go of me at this point; laughing. I forgot Larxene also knew what I said…

“Ow! What the fuck, Larxene?!” I yelled at her, rubbing the part where she slapped me.

“Don’t call my boyfriend a piece of shit, you piece of shit!” She yelled at me back.

“Cause he is one! Tell him to stop randomly hugging me!”

“ _Chuchote-toi, crétin_!”

“ _Chienne…_ ”

“ _Âne_ _…_ ”

“Guys, shut up for a second!” Zexion yelled at us, we shut up after that. When Zexion tells you to shut up, you shut up. We stayed silent for a while, and then heard it. Someone screaming bloody murder, it was getting closer. Ansem was out of his office now, telling nurses to do stuff, before the screaming person got in here.

The double doors leading to the visiting hall, suddenly slapped open. Two large burly men were struggling to keep a hold of the screaming patient. Ansem yelled at them to sedate him in his room, the screaming was just echoing throughout the room. He was yelling and then screaming stuff like “Let me kill her, Let me go, that bitch needs to die.”

When the guys turned down the room corridor, that when I saw him with a murderous intent. Trying to push the guards away from him to run somewhere, he kept squirming and one of the guards had to grab him by his knees, and the other grabbing him from underneath his arms. His shirt was riding up, I saw all those pale thin lines running everywhere along his back. There was this long really pale line going from his right shoulder, down to his left hip. Oh… oh… this is what Zexion meant by “seen his body”, well he was right about how much shit he’s been though.

They somehow made it to his room and ran out of the room; Ansem locking it right as they exited. Roxas was banging on the door now, yelling and screaming for them to let them out. I looked over at everyone, who just looked at the medical personnel in shock; though Zexion hardly showed his shock. They all looked at me; I shrugged and stood up, going over to one of the windows. You could hear the banging and screaming coming from his room, all the way over here. I wish I could go for a walk; just to get away from his screaming it’s breaking my heart to hear him like that…why? I shook my head, the kids’ not even legal yet. Wait, why did I think that? _Ah, viande,_ this place is making me crazy; not what sent me here.

“Axel Lutece? Please head toward the visiting hall.” A nurse said behind me, I nodded; though she probably didn't notice. It’s always the same nurse that tells people to head to the visiting hall; the one with a high squeaky voice.

My visitor was just Reno; I told him about Roxas, but referred to him as the blond kid. After I had told him that; he was fidgety to get out of here. He ended up running away halfway through our conversation telling me that he _needed_ to call someone. After that, everyone was quiet in the ward, too shaken up by Roxas’ screams.

A day passed; Zexion had to switch rooms, since Roxas had apparently punched a few holes in the walls, not allowing Zexion to sleep during the night. He still banged at the door to be let out, but the screaming slowly died down; it was mostly crying now. When one of the nurses tried to give Roxas his supper, he scratched the girls arm and gave her a busted lip. It was probably his mum that's made him like this. But what would I know.

Another day passed; furniture in Roxas’ room had been thrown around in his room, making anyone near his room unable to relax. He attacked Ansem, when he went to talk to him. Ansem continued his daily routine, after being attacked. It was around lunch that I saw the Cloud person walk into the ward. The nurses were ignoring him, he was somehow able to get into Ansem’s office and be able to get into Roxas’s room. And that’s where things got interesting…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Axel's a frenchie...I needed to include some french. Also when I wrote Axel's last name (Luteuce) it tried to auto-correct it to "Lettuce" just had to share that.  
> Translations (In order):  
> Morceau de merde - Piece of shit  
> Chuchote-toi, crétin - Shush, moron  
> Chienne - Bitch  
> Âne - Jackass/ass  
> Viande - meat  
> (Where I go to, you say a random french word instead of merde. And I usually say/use viande, so yeah.)


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Mention of Rape

_Cloud_

“I’m sorry but he’s currently unstable to have any visitors.” The receptionist told me. Unstable? What’s that supposed to mean? He was perfectly stable two days ago, unless she visited him…Reno did say something happened to him though…

“Okay... Am I allowed to know who visited him last?” I asked the receptionist. She gave me a nod as she flipped through some files and papers. She pulled a paper halfway out of a file, she nodded and put the paper back into the file. She looked over at me again.

“The last visitor was Shelia Strife; your mom” She said. She did visit, dammit. It seems that I slammed by fist on the counter, and scared her.

“Sir? Is everything alright?” She asked in a concerned tone, I nodded and walked out of the room. She must’ve told him something, to make him snap at her. He’s on a rampage…I can tell, I have to deal with the violence again. It’ll probably take a while to calm him down. I pulled out my phone out of my pant pocket, I walked over to the side of the hallway and dialed his number. He picked up after the first ring.

_“Hey lovely, what’s up?”_ He happily asked, the nickname isn’t my favorite…

“I’m fine, just going to be late coming home.” I said into the phone.

“ _Why? Reno was right? What’s wrong with Rox?_ ” He asked worriedly, he’s always been such a worrywart after he learned all of the stuff we’ve been through.

“Yeah…mum visited him two days ago. He snapped and broke apart; kind of like the breakdown when we first came here.”

“ _Are you serious?! Your mom? I thought she hated him…_ ”

“I thought so too. But I’ll have to calm him down before something bad happens.”

“ _Okay, just be safe… I don’t want you two to get hurt like last time._ ”

“Mm, I will.

“ _Love you, Cloud._ ”

“Love you, too, Zack.” He made a kissy noise, I rolled my eyes at him and hanged up on him. I slid the phone back into my pocket. Well, time to go over to where Roxas is. As I walked through the halls, the workers didn’t question me walking around. Well that’s one good thing about this hospital, and the fact that it took me little time to find the psychiatric ward. I walked into the ward and took a quick glance around, the nurses’ station was to my right. I saw someone with pink hair? Rox did say there was odd hair coloured people here, but pink! I’m getting off-track… He came out of the nurses’ station. I guess that’s where the doctor of this area is. I walked in after the pinkette got far away enough, I looked over at the doors and saw a plaque saying “Dr. Ansem Wise”. I opened the door and walked right in, I was greeted with a _hello_.

“Hello, Dr. Wise.” I greeted myself, he immediately looked up at me. I closed the door behind me.

“Cloud Strife…state your business.” He said in a monotone voice.

“I need to see Roxas.” I told him, he sighed and stood up from his desk.

“He’s unstable for visitors, including his older brother.” He told me, okay this is getting stupid. I took off my jacket and lifted up my shirt halfway, I pointed to a scar on the side of chest.

“This is from when my rib punctured my lung; wanna know why? Roxas was in this exact state and he punched my chest; hard, he almost broke his wrist before I stopped him.” I told him, pulling my shirt back down and putting my jacket back on. He thought for a moment, before sighing again. He went over to his desk and grabbed a set of keys. He motioned for me to follow him and I complied, we passed a sitting area and a couple of rooms. We stopped at a room with a plaque saying “Roxas”, he unlocked the door and motioned for me to go in.

When I walked in, he was sitting in the middle of the floor; curled up in a ball, crying. There was a few holes in the walls, some had blood around them. I took a few steps toward him but he turned his tear-filled face and bloodshot eyes at me. He face was full of sadness before it turned into rage.

“GET THE FUCK OUT!” He screamed at me, rushing toward me. I quickly dodged, but he’s fast right now and punched me in the chest.

“Roxas!” I yelled, I grabbed his wrists before he could punch me again.

“Get out…” He said, before breaking down in tears. I let go of his wrists and pulled him into a hug. He was shaking and sobbing into my chest; his knees quickly gave out and sent us to the ground on our knees. I rubbed his back as he continued to sob, this went on for a couple minutes. When he calmed down, I decided to ask what mum said to him.

“Rox? What did she say to you?” I asked him, he stiffened and let out a choked sob. I kissed the top of his head, he cried for a few seconds.

“She-she told m-e…that I s-should’ve been…r-raped and…murdered.” He stuttered out, choked sobs in between some of the words. Oh, that event… it’s only been two years since that happened. The nightmares only stopped a few months ago, I really hope they’re not going to come back and haunt him…

“It’s alright, what’s happened; happened. Everyone felt horrible that it happened, but everyone would be extremely sad if you left us from our world…especially Vanitas.” I told him truthfully. I always felt jealous of how close Roxas and our cousin; Vanitas were. They acted more like siblings when they’re together, than me and Roxas. He nodded when I said Vanitas’ name, I felt a pang in my heart; it was just from how I’m not as close as him.

“Sing to me…Believe…” He quietly said, I nodded and tried to remember the lyrics of the song he’d listen to all the time before ending up here.

_I should of seen the writing on the wall!_ I began softly, his favorite song by his favorite band.

_Instead I’m left to fall,_

**‘Cause the longer I’m away**. Roxas sang the next line.

**_The more we stay the same._** We sang together, in tune with each other.

**_Looking back when I thought I knew it all,_ **

**_Instead I’m left to fall._ **

**_Did I throw it all away?_ **

**_I can’t believe, that when I breathe_ **

**_There’s something good inside of me_ **

**_Just one good thing inside of me._ **

**_So close to me~_ **

**_That memory!_ **

**_Of that one good thing inside of me._** Roxas trailed off, he was falling asleep; yawning and closing his eyes.

_Just one good thing inside of me…_ I finished, Rox had crashed and burned at this point. It was much easier than the first; probably because I actually know what to do this time around. I picked Roxas up, and placed him on the bed. I ran my hair though his – somewhat – greasy hair, it has been two days he last showered I’m guessing.

 I left his room and went to find Ansem, once I found him I explained the situation to him. Letting him know I’ll have to be there when he wakes up, I had to move him to another room so that they’d be able to fix the walls in the room he’s staying in. When he woke up he began to panic but relaxed once he saw that I was in the room; I sat down next to him and he placed his head on my lap. I ran my fingers through his hair.

“Will you be alright here; when I’m gone?” I asked him, he nodded in my lap.

“Yeah…just keep visiting me when you don’t have work.” He replied.

“I will. Do you know where the keys to the Fenrir is?” I said, he sat up and scratched his head.

“In my jean pockets here. What bike did you take to come here?” He said, I’ll have to get Ansem to give them to me. And what bike did I take again?

“The ninja.” I answered, in total we have three different bikes; one of which I let Roxas use to get around.

“I like the Fenrir better.” He said, I gave a small laugh as I ruffled his hair.

“Of course you do, its custom made.” I joked, he playfully pushed my shoulder but was laughing. I’m glad that he’s back to regular self, its better than his snapped one. I gave him a kiss on the forehead and ruffled his hair once more.

“I’ll see you soon.” I said, giving him a hug before one of the nurses told him that it was time for their supper. He gave me another hug before we left the room and he went to go eat, I went over to the nurses’ station and asked for Roxas’ belongings. Finding Fenrir’s keys in his jeans’ pocket (as he said), and left after I found what I wanted.

I really hope Roxas is going to be alright without me being here every day. Please don’t have her visit here again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They song they sung was: Believe - Hollywood Undead. This chapter was a pain to write, but it was needed for development. I also got lazy at the end, because I wanted to get out of Cloud's POV and move on. I'll probably not have another Cloud POV for a long time. But thanks for the kudos and comments everyone! Really makes me happy!


	7. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry 'bout the wait everyone, had a little writers block when finishing this chapter. But I was able to get out of it, yay! Anyways enjoy the chapter :D

_Axel_

Damn, I gotta say, the kids’ brother’s hot. Not smokin’ hot, but in my mind still hot. He’s also got a cuter factor, makin’ him a hot cutie. Roxas on the other hand would be more cute than hot, though with the right clothes he could be very hot. I mean, he looks hot in leather and riding a motorcycle, (even though I only saw him once wearing that); I should learn to ride a motorcycle.

But right now the kid’s really happy-go-lucky after his little freak-out. It makes me wonder how the kid ticks, and what would break him (though I have a guess it’s mentioning his mum in some way or another); a very interesting character he is. I remember Reno telling me about some kid he likes to “Touch his butt” just to annoy him, but usually backfires because of the kids’ older brothers’ boyfriend, that would tackle him and wrestle with him. If I thought about it, Roxas could be the kid that gets sexually harassed by my moronic brother. Am I moving too fast?

I could be…He died five months ago, we were together for four years or so. Before he was in an abusive relationship; he knew it himself, but didn’t know how to get out of it without getting beaten. I helped him get out of it, been together ever since. Then around a month before his 21st birthday, his abusive ex found us walking along a train-track and stabbed him in the back. I remember the blood along his back, and the box he took out of his coat pocket. He was going to propose if fate wanted us to be together, he then said because he’s going to die; fate didn’t want us together. At the time, I didn’t believe him but later realized he was right… I miss him though; I’ll visit his grave after I get out of this stupid place. I’m glad they didn’t pin his death with me burning down a house; it was a completely different reason to why I burnt down that hell house.

Mental sigh. I’m going to move away from those topics…and about how the dinner here was shit. Same every day; cream corn, mashed potatoes, mixed variety of vegetables and some chicken. It would be delicious, if they hadn’t given it to us every single day. After that good/bad dinner, I decided to go and take a small nap on the couch (what else is there to do here anyways?). I lied down on the couch as Zexion was sitting on one of the side chairs; reading one of his many books. Larxene I think is having her daily therapy session with Ansem, and Marluxia… I have no clue; no one knows where he is half the time.

“Bloody hell!” I heard a certain Britain blond yell, I looked up behind me and saw him holding his foot. Ah yes, the ol’ whack your toe against the most random thing and having it hurt like hell. I know the feel young Britain. He muttered some more swear words, and ran his hand though his hair. He went to the coffee table and grabbed the sketchbook once more; I forgot about that thing, and went to sit on the other side chair.

I watched him as he sat down; he was going to open the book but stopped. Waiting for few seconds and smiled, nodding he opened the sketchbook and began sketching or drawing something. He smiled and even gave a small chuckle at times…what is he doing? He stopped drawing for some seconds before frowning and going back to drawing. I’m not sure but, I’m pretty sure I saw his hair move around as if someone was petting it. And then he just tossed the sketchbook violently in front of him, he signed and picked it up; looking annoyed. What?

 

_Roxas_

I HATE YOUR EYES! I mentally yelled at him. The first eye was perfectly fine but then the second eye…fuck eyes. I had caused people to stare at me when I threw the sketchbook to the ground; whilst he laughed. I wiped off the dust from the drawing and began to draw to his stupid other eye.

_Do you really hate drawing eyes that much?_ He asked, chuckling a little.

Yes I really hate drawing the second eye, the first ones okay but the second one looks like a five-year-old drew it. I told him; of course this was only in my head because if I did it aloud, everyone would think I’m some crazy person talking to myself.  Since the only way for me to talk to spirits is if I talk to them inside my head and not aloud, to not look like a crazy person. If I was alone, yeah I would talk aloud but not when there are people around.

_Show this drawing to Axel after._ He said.

Axel? Why?

_You know the guy I used to talk to you about, and how I was going to propose to?_ He asked. Yeah… wait.

Is Axel the guy you were going to propose to before you died? I asked him shocked.

_Yeah…I want to show him that I’m still here for him, spiritually._ He said. I nodded; I guess that makes sense, but Axel, seriously? Whatever, he was probably less weird when he was with him. It could be possible… Most of its complete, I just really have to add some shading, detail lines and some colour in his hair (just colour it in grey because I can’t colour for the life of me).

Should I show this to him? I asked him.

_Yeah, he’ll be happy to know I’m still with him._ He said, and I nodded. Well here goes nothing.

“Axel.” I said aloud this time; he was lying on the couch with his eyes closed. He opened them and gave me a questioning look; I sighed and slowly turned my sketchbook around. He sat up rapidly and stared wide-eyed at the drawing of Saïx.

“This was supposed to be your future fiancé, correct?” I asked him, he stared at the drawing for a bit before slowly nodded.

“He loves you, you know? He’s still here for you.” I told him, setting the sketchbook on my lap. He stared at me as if he didn’t believe me, I sighed.

Well Saïx, time for you to use my energy and talk to your non-believing old boyfriend. I told Saïx, and then felt extremely tired. Thanks for draining 90% of my energy Saïx, really helpful for me to actually stay awake. I really felt like closing my eyes and just falling asleep right there and then, but I know I shouldn’t since Axel would probably start asking me questions, after Saïx does whatever he’s going to do.

I shivered when he manifested himself beside me, looking over he stood there; kind of see-through. Oh… that’s why he took so much…to actually show himself. But I’m really tired now!

“ _I’m a little sad, Axel; you know that demons exist but not ghosts._ ” He joked, Axel sat there in shock; I just smiled, it’s been around five months since I last saw him in person.

“Y-you’re here? How?” Axel stuttered out of his mouth, I chuckled as did he.

“ _Little dense you are, I attached myself to you when I died. And with a little bit of help from Roxas here, I can manifest myself to you._ ” He told Axel, I still sat there smiling; feeling very drowsy.

“Saïx…you ass…you took all of my energy…not just a little bit…” I drowsily said. He gave a small laugh.

“ _Just sleep, you won’t miss much._ ” He told me. I muttered an “ass” before closing my eyes; I heard talking but couldn’t make out what they were saying. He knew I let a spirit take my energy before, but it wasn’t a full-grown man, it was just a kid…Van had helped me too…but that was long time ago… I can’t even remember what happened when we did that, I’m too tired to even think about it…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I included the fact that Roxas is a medium/can talk to ghosts. I know two people who are, one can see them the other can just sense them; and then there's me who can actually talk to spirits. Yeah... it's strange to hear random voices in your head in public or at school but, it's cool. We're good friends too, so its pretty cool to share what I heard with 'em. Anyways, thanks for the reviews/kudos, love you all!


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I would like to thank MrCupcake for reviewing. Thanks so much! I can't reply to your comment for some reason :/ But still want you to know that I'm extremely happy that you're commenting! Secondly, this chapter is so weird; I go from some sad stuff to some funny stuff and then back to sad. Yeah...  
> And Lastly, the reason this was updated so late, was because school had me busy (exams coming up and all). But I have the next chapter 1/3 written, and I just was trying to find time to update this story. Anyways, enjoy this next chapter!

_AXEL_

“Ass…” He muttered before immediately falling asleep on the chair. I sat there shocked, when Roxas said that Saïx was here for me, I didn’t believe him but when he suddenly looked as if he could fall asleep at any minute, and then Saïx just appeared! It’s pretty believable now; he’s pretty visible, too…

“Good to see you, Zexion.” He said to Zexion, I looked over at him. He was staring at Saïx with a neutral expression, he nodded.

“Good to know you’re watching over our idiot.” Zexion said both in a joking and serious tone, Saïx gave a small laugh.

“How are we able to see you?” I asked extremely confused, this is really weird…

“Hard to explain, Roxas would be able to explain it better.” He told me. Is Roxas a medium or whatever they call people who talk to ghosts? His body is beginning to slowly fade away…

“Looks like I’m out of time, don’t feel bad about my death, Axel… remember what I told yo-“. You…yeah, I remember. His body faded away, no one talked. All that was heard was the clatter of the dishes and Roxas’ soft breathing. It’s hard to believe but it actually happened and Zexion witnessed it as well! The drawing…

I got off the couch and grabbed the sketchbook off of Roxas’s lap; I sat back down on the couch. It looks so real, it’s creepy. I wonder if Saïx told him how to draw him, but when he smiled…that’s the point that confuses me. I closed the sketchbook and placed it/tossed it on the coffee table.

“Pick him up; we’ll bring him to his room.” Zexion suddenly said. I looked over at him; he was closing his book and getting ready to stand. I groaned and got up. I picked up the pencil and eraser and handed it to Zexion, whom was also holding Roxas’ sketchbook. He took them and placed them inside of the sketchbook. I turned back around and moved Roxas’ left arm to rest on his stomach. I bent down; placing an arm under his knees and the other behind his back, then lifted hi- holy shit he’s light! And small… but seriously, he’s too light for his age and height. Zexion was around fifteen pounds heavier than this, at the same age.

We walked to his room; Zexion opened the door for me. When I walked in, I could instantly smell the drying plaster on the walls. I gently placed Roxas down on the bed; it was as if he was dead but really he’s just like a ragdoll, I would say so anyways. I heard Zexion place the sketchbook on the desk; that’s in every room here.

“Stay with him until he wakes or until the night lockdown.” He said.

“Eh? Pardon?” I asked. Why do I have to stay?

“Just do as I say, _énorme patate_.” He said, and then left the room. And he also just called me a giant potato…why am I always being insulted? I sighed; I looked at Roxas’ sleeping frame. Wait…his ears. Taking a closer look, I noticed that his ears had what looked like pierced ears but the hole was a bit larger than normal. NO WAY! He stretched his ears?! I hope it’s an actual earing and not those plugs or whatever they are (like a ring for your ear but it makes a hole in them; I find that disturbing). I hope my ears haven’t closed yet, but they probably have. It’s been about four months since I’ve been here. Larxene has been here the longest; almost six months, then it’s Zexion; 2 months, and Marluxia; three weeks.

Something else caught my eye; his neck. Looking at the left side of his neck, I saw something very pale; paler than his skin. I went down on my knees and gently moved his shirt down. It was a very long scar, it couldn’t have been caused by a knife, no, it’s too wide for it to be knife cut. What the hell made this long ass scar? I let go of his shirt and grabbed one of his arm. I rolled up the sleeve of his shirt, more scars…the faded ones on his wrists looked like it was done years ago, luckily that was only set of scars there. I let the sleeve go and went toward his stomach (no I’m not trying to molest the poor kid, jeez.) and there were so many small tiny scars along his stomach, god… it’s as if he ran through a glass window. But he was also very thin, sure he had some muscles but he seems like he doesn’t want to eat.

Alright this is too much for me to handle, I pulled his shirt back down and went to sit on the desk chair. If I left Zexion would yell at me, I really don’t want Zexion when yelling at me. That is a scary thing to happen.

It was quiet, made me have time for my thoughts. If Saïx was with me all the time, then he just saw me lifting up the kids’ shirt and see all those scars…or I really hope he didn’t see me doing that… The silence was broken when Roxas’ breathing kept jumping and he kept letting out chocked sobs. I was about to go wake him up, but he shot up before I could. He rubbed his eyes, and muttered something I couldn’t make out.

“You okay, Rox?” I asked, he jumped when I spoke. He looked at me with wide eyes; a tear sliding down his cheek.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine…” He said, nodding as he wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. You’re not okay or fine…

“Do you want me to leave?” I cautiously asked.

“Yes, no, yes, no, dammit shut up Saïx!” He yelled, fisting his hands in his hair. Saïx is telling him to let me stay? Why?

“Yeah…they’re back…” He said quietly. Back? What’s back? Help me out here Saïx.

_Go hold him…_

My body moved on its own, I stood up and went to sit beside him. I couldn’t even stop my own actions; I closed my eyes and opened them a second later. Only to find myself staring at Roxas being comforted by Saïx. I’m not even in my own body; I’m staring at Saïx possessing my body to comfort Roxas. Well I know it’s my body because I know I was beside him. Roxas looked up at me, then looked at Saïx and sighed.

“I can’t believe you possessed his body, Saïx…” Roxas remarked and began letting his eyelids close.

“Shush, it’s to help you. Sleep now.” Saïx said, as he put his/my hand over his eyes. He removed his hand, and Roxas was now sleeping. He then looked over to me,and put a finger to his mouth; making a ‘Shh’ noise. I instantly felt drowsy, and closed my eyes. What the…hell…just happened…?

* * *

 

_“You know I love you, right?” My boyfriend said to me, I looked over at him. He was staring at the stars. We lied down in the backyard of his house, staring up at the night sky._

_“Yeah, I know. I love you, too.” I replied, still looking at him. He sat up and looked at me; he gave me a sad smile. I sat up then, and went to stare at his sad green- amber eyes._

_“Promise me something…” He muttered._

_“I’d promise anything for you. You know that, Saïx.” I told him, intertwining my fingers with his._

_“…Promise me…that when I die, you’ll move on…” He mumbled, I sat there shocked. What?_

_“You won’t die!” I told him sternly, almost yelling._

_“Just promise me, Axel!” He yelled back. I nodded though, feeling bad for having Saïx yell at me._

_“I promise.” I muttered, grabbing him in a hug. He hugged me back; we sat there, sitting under the stares in each others arms._


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never meant for this to take forever to come out, but exams and attending graduations kept me from uploading. (No, I didn't graduate. It was my sister's xD).  
> Anyways enjoy the chapter!!

When I woke, I was warm; too warm. I slowly opened my eyes and was greeted with a chest. I looked up and saw that spiked red hair and upside down teardrop tattoos, I began to panic. Why is he here? Why am I here with him? Why is his arm wrapped around me? These questions repeated in my head over and over again, until I finally decided to do something. I pushed him off the twin bed, he landed on the ground with a loud ‘thump’ and he groaned.

_You should learn to relax._

Oh great, leave me alone Saïx, I’m not in the mood for your comments. I sat up and saw Axel holding his head, as he slowly sat up.

_He helped you, you know._

Really? How so?

_No nightmares?_

Yeah, but you were here.

 _I wasn’t actually; I stayed in the other side and rested._ I frowned; I don’t believe that for a second.

I don’t believe that a bloke I hardly know helped me get rid of these god forsaken nightmares.

_Whatever floats your boat._

“Thanks for the morning wake-up call.” I heard Axel say from in front of me. I didn’t know how to respond to his comment, so I looked down at my lap. I don’t know what to say, I don’t even know how to respond to having Axel holding me while I slept. Am I blushing? Fuck, I am.

“Argh, my stomach still hurts” He groaned, ah fuck. I forgot I did that…

“Sorry about that…” I mumbled.

“Hey, I already accepted your apology, so you’re fine.” He told me, but I still felt guilty.

_You always feel guilty when you hurt someone._

I’ll block you out.

 _Really now? I thought I was helping you_.

I’m serious, Saïx.

 _You wouldn_ \- And I blocked him out, his voice is annoying at times. And thus a quiet air filled the room; lovely. Axel was about to say something before a knock on the door came, along with a voice saying ‘Breakfast’. Axel slowly stood up and began walking toward the door; I still sat one the bed. He looked back at me, when he noticed that I hadn’t moved.

“You comin’?” He asked, I shook my head, “You sure?” He asked again, I nodded. He was hesitant to leave but left anyways. I’m gonna take a shower, I feel greasy… and I’m not hungry anyways.

Mid-way through my shower I heard someone wiping the mirror; as if writing something. I opened the stand-up shower door and saw a message on the mirror. “Unblock me”, it read. I sighed, closing the door. I finished up my shower, and dried myself off with one of the towels, then placed it around my waist. I removed that dumb plastic thing and placed it in the sink. I grabbed another towel and placed it around my shoulders. I walked out of the washroom and saw a pile of fresh clothes on the bed. I changed into them and felt the room get freezing cold; jeez Saïx, calm down I wanted to get dressed first.

“Saïx I wanted to get dressed before I do anything or talk to you.” I said aloud as I fixed my shirt; no one is around to hear me so why not speak aloud?

_Why aren’t you going to eat?_

“I’m not hungry”

_Roxas…she did more than just physical abuse…_

“No she didn’t, it was only physical.”

_That’s a lie and you know it._

“Drop it, and leave me alone…”

_If you wish._

Saïx had officially left, the room going back to its regular temperature. Ice manic, always making a room freezing cold whenever he’s around. I went over to the desk and picked up my sketchbook, I saw the bulk so I already knew that the pencil and eraser were already in it.

I walked out of my room and headed to the main room. The nurses asked why I’m not going to eat breakfast; I said the same thing I told Saïx. I’m just not hungry… I sat down on one of the side chairs and began to finish my drawing of Cloud, also removing that stupid out of place line from one of his spikes.

When I went to have my therapy session with Ansem, I talked about my (half)-friends; Hayner, Pence and Olette. Though we’re the same age, I already graduated due to the face that I skipped 9th grade. And when I skipped it, I drifted from them and became friends with; Seifer, Fuu and Rai. Hayner hates them because he and Seifer dated for less than a month (?) and broke-up for some reason that neither would tell me about. I could care less now. That’s what I talked about throughout my sessions.

That was five-days-ago; making it the 29th of October, during that time Cloud hasn’t visited me, neither did mum (thank god). Saïx kept bugging me about me not eating breakfast; it’s not really that important anyways. Also during those five days, I’ve gotten closer to Zexion and became friends with Marluxia and Larxene. I have to say that I call Axel a friend; sadly. Why am I saying it likes this? Well, literally nothing happened during those five days except for making new friends; who’re all older than me… Anyways, I just finished having my daily session with Ansem, when Marluxia ran over to me and put me on his shoulder, he was saying stuff that I couldn’t make out…everything was spinning, fuck.

Stop! Marluxia!

…

 

 

_AXEL_

Roxas walked out of Ansem’s office when Marluxia ran up to him; glomping him, then throwing him over his shoulder while saying stuff like _“It’s the cute Britain, you’re so adorable, so cute.”_ , and was spinning around. Marly looked happy-go-lucky, but Roxas on the other hand, looked scared shitless. I was about to yell at Marly, until Roxas yelled.

“STOP! MARLUXIA!” His voice full of fear, Marluxia instantly stopped spinning and set Roxas on down on the floor. He was shaking violently and his normal peaceful sapphire eyes; were now wide and filled with terror. He curled up in a ball, a hand holding his head and the other gripping his left shoulder.

“Ansem, we have an emergency!” A nurse yelled into the nurses’ station. Ansem then came out running to see a surprised Larxene, a somewhat shocked Zexion, a very confused Marluxia, a hysterical Roxas, and a _I have no idea what’s happening_ Axel.

“Alice, call Cloud Strife!” Ansem yelled over his shoulder, Alice quickly nodded and ran off. I still have no idea what’s happening, Belle (a good nurse; like Alice) came by and touched Marluxia’s shoulder. She asked what had happened, he responded with “I was spinning around with him and then he’s like this”, motioning to the hysterical Roxas. She nodded and walked over to Ansem; whispering something in his ear (mostly likely what Marly said), and he nodded.

“PTSD panic-attack.” He then whispered. Post Traumatic-Stress Disorder? What kind of hell did this kid have to go through to get PTSD? Ansem bent down and spoke in a soft voice.

“Roxas.” Roxas looked up at Ansem and let out the most blood curdling scream. He pushed Ansem away and crawled backwards until his back hit the wall, Ansem looked shocked but then quickly stood up; as if nothing happened.

“Doctor Ansem! I couldn’t get a hold of Cloud Strife, but instead a man named Zack Fair.” Alice told Ansem.

“That’s fine; hopefully he’ll calm Roxas down. We don’t need to use anesthetics on him; there would be no point…” He replied and then hurriedly left the ward. I looked over to Roxas; he was holding this head, curled in a ball, tears fell from his cheeks as he rocked himself. Belle came by once more and told everyone to not go near Roxas at the moment. Everyone agreed.

What the hell happened to you Roxas?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bloke - Guy (in england)


	10. Chapter 9: Double Chapter Update p.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so these were supposed to up yesterday but my stupid internet wasn't working at all (I tried to load up this site and it took 3 hours before Chrome shut down on me) Anyways, the reason I haven't updated in more than a month (felt like 2 weeks for me) was because I have a job that last from Monday to Friday and from 9AM - 4PM, and I am usually sleeping or washing my clothes for work when I get home. And I also had to stay at the hospital last weekend for my nephew; he was going to get surgery and I had to sleepover at the hospital with him (he's 3 btw) and thus I have been very busy the past month. And I just wanna say that I haven't given up on this story, NOT one bit, I actually have a lot planned out for it and even was thinking about a sequel (though I'm not sure I would actually go through with it) And for the very long delay for chapters I am giving you guys DOUBLE CHAPTER UPDATE because I remember only being at 400 views for the last chapter and now I have like 600+ wow thanks guys <33

_Spin, spin, spin…everything’s spinning… I’m gone… I can’t see anything, it’s all black. Pitch black darkness… I can’t breathe, I can’t move… I can see now, but it’s all red and there’s glass everywhere… Th-They’re dead… this is their blood…help… It hurts…it hurts…I can’t breathe…help me… help them…_

* * *

 

At times Roxas would be shaking his head; as if saying no or trying to forget something. Around seven-ish minutes passed until the main doors busted open with Ansem and a man with pushed back spiked hair that brought out his stunning blue eyes. There was this x-shaped scar on his left cheek; oil could be smelled as he ran past everyone and towards Roxas. I’m going to take a wild guess and say that this is _Zack Fair_. He went on his knees and pushed Roxas’ hair back.

“Hey, Hey, look at me.” He said, trying to get Roxas to focus on him. Roxas said something but I couldn’t hear it, and showed his palms to Zack.

“Roxas, look at me.” The man said again, taking a hold of Roxas’; making him look in Zack’s eyes.

“There’s no blood, it happened in 2008. We’re 2014, listen to me…you wouldn’t know me if you’re still in England.” He tried to convince Roxas; six years ago he got PTSD? Not that long ago, but sill…damn. I heard someone walk over to me, though it walked a little further than where I am. Oh, it’s fuckhead.

“Y’know, if you were in England. Or we would’ve never met, yo.” The most annoying voice I could possible hear, said. I looked up and saw that dumb red ponytail. Reno stood there, with his arms crossed.

“I wish I never met you…” Roxas said loudly enough; though still a whisper. Oh, I want to laugh, I really want to laugh. Fuck it, I laughed and laughed hard; my eyes tearing up. I heard other people laughing as well, oh Roxas; that was too good.

 OH MY GOD! I can’t breathe! Somehow, I saw the somewhat blurry blob of Larxene doubled-over with laughter; same with Zack. Marluxia was laughing; not as hard as me. Zexion and Roxas were smirking and showed signs of trying to hold in their laughter. I saw Reno looking both shocked and angry.

“Oh! Fuck you all!” He yelled over the laughter of everyone, which made me laugh more.

“Give it…Reno…everyone wishes-they hadn’t meet…you!” I heard someone say while laughing. Okay…calm down…stop laughing… I think, I think, I’m good. I just was to say this has been a roller-coaster of a conversation, it was just wild. Everyone slowly calmed down and the laughter died down, I looked at Roxas; he was slightly giggling until he gasped and let his body fall into Zack’s (I think…?) chest. Did he hurt himself from laughing? That’s funny but terrible.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Zack asked Roxas; his hands hovering above of Roxas’ shoulders, he said something that made Zack frown.

“That doesn’t help, Rox.” He said again, Roxas said something again and Zack snapped his fingers over in our (my) direction.  
“Oh, yeah! I would like an ice-pack, my fair lady.” Reno suddenly asked one of the nurses’. The nursed blushed and nodded; running away to get ice, Reno always does this dumb sweet talk with girls and it make no sense to me since the guy’s gay, but whatever.  The nurse came back with a medium-sized ice-pack and handed it to Reno. He thanked her and went over to Roxas and Zack; Zack took it and gently placed it on Roxas’ left shoulder.

Doesn’t he have a giant scar there? So maybe, his PTSD is somehow related to that scar. Therefore he got PTSD by A) was in an _Ouragan_ (whatever that is called in English) or B) a very tragic car accident. Those are the only things I can think of that involves spinning around that could cause it to be traumatic.

My theory apparently was long enough that Zack was carrying Roxas to his room, and Reno was trying (and failing) to get my attention. I gave him an annoyed look, he sighed and put his hands on his hips.

“Now that I have everyone’s attention, which one of you spun him?’ He asked bluntly. Everyone looked over at Marluxia, whom was pointing at himself. Reno gave a long sigh before he spoke again.

“Just don’t do it again.” He stated, well since he’s here, might as well ask.

“How’d he get PTSD?” I asked; apparently getting straight to the giant question, set Reno to hesitate.

“I’ll give you a very short summary; car accident, spun like a tornado, and lots of death.” He said with sadness in his voice. So it was a very tragic car accident, well I guess that pretty well. It’s not tornado what I was thinking of but something close to that but involved water; what is that dumb thing called? Wait…what’s that?

**-you change?**

**Why did you bend and break?**

**When the water turned to wine, did it feel the same?**

**Why did you change?**

**Why did you bend and break?**

**When the water turned to wine, it never feels the same.**

**The nights are growing cold**

**Those faces growing old**

**And there is nothing you can do,**

**So sing your sad excuses**

**You’ve got the scars to prove it**

**And I’m sure they’ll sing along…**

Is he singing? Such a sad song, I’ve heard it before...this same style…where? My thoughts came to a halt when someone slapped me upside the head.

“Ow! What?!” I asked annoyed at whoever slapped me. The one who slapped me was Reno.

“You can admire his singing later, don’t be a creep.” He told me, oh yeah, I’m the creep. I waved him off and he let out another sigh. Zack (still guessing) came by and began dragging/pulling Reno away. I could hear Roxas singing softly; it wasn’t loud enough to be like he’s singing to people, but more like just to himself. I swear… I’ve heard someone sing like that before, where?

“Why do I have to tell him?!” I heard Reno yell, they’re still here? I thought they left.

“Because I’m telling him he’s falling back into depression!” I heard the other guy yell back. Fuck, this kid got or has a lot of shit, not ever joking… And everything went silent after that, I couldn’t even hear Roxas singing anymore. There was some noise, from the nurses’ talking and some other patients talking away.

But, no one I really cared about/knew was talking, just nothing. Not even some remarks by Marly or even Larxene! Just silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations/Other note  
> Ouragan - Hurricane
> 
> Song : Structure - Innerpartysystem


	11. Chapter 10: Double Chapter Update p.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second chapter I uploaded today, please read the notes in the last chapter to understand the delay for chapters <3

Oh, there’s Roxas; walking across the ward, toward Zack and Reno. I focused in on the conversation going on between the three; I heard some snippets (if that’s what it’s called) of their conversation. _Cloud, work, airport, something about a cousin’s friend_ …that’s an interesting conversation.

“You’re eavesdropping.” Zexion suddenly said. I jumped a little; he doesn’t really talk that much so it took me by surprise. I looked over at him; sitting on one of the side chairs, holding a book. I struck out my tongue like the childish human that I am.

“I’m just curious.” I said to him, turning away.

“Curiosity killed the cat.” Larxene then said, oh god that cliché line. I groaned at her and flipped myself around, to where I had my back on the seat, my head hanging at the edge of the seat, and my legs were hanging off of the top of the couch. I’m bored now; I liked that little scene with Roxas…even though it was a fucking horrible thing to learn about jailbait there.

Oh hey, Roxas is here; drawing in that sketchbook. He looks sad? _Well, you did overhear that conversation about falling back into depression._ Yeah, there’s that, but something like anger (?) mixed in as well. You know what, too cheer him up I’m gonna ask him if he plays any instruments, because I can and I’m that bored.

“Hey Rox, you play any instruments?” I asked the oblivious blond, he stopped drawing and looked at me; giving me a weird expression.

“Pardon?” He said, clearly not used to me sparking up a conversation.

“You know, instruments; Guitar, piano, triangle?” I said, smirking at _triangle_. Man, I remember having to play the triangle for a sixth grade Christmas concert, I hit the thing twice and hit the shit out of it at the end. I think the teacher hated me…

“Oh…I can play the violin and the oboe.” He told me. Oboe? What the hells and oboe?

“Zexion~! What’s “oboe” in French~!” I practically whined at Zexion; my little translator because I can’t translate for the life of me.

“ _Hautbois._ ” He replied simply. OH! That thing, I think Reno played that thing or someone I know.

“Thank you~! ...How well can you play the violin?” I asked. I don’t really know any violinists or any at this point.

“I have no clue; last time I played was a year ago.” He said as he placed his sketchbook on the coffee table.

“Why’d you stop playing?” I asked curiously.

“Two of the strings broke, never could fix them.” He said with a sigh.

“Couldn’t find a place?” I questioned, most of the time the reason stop playing string instruments is because they can’t find a good place for good strings for a replacement. He nodded, yup, I’m a guessing champ! My head is starting to spin…too much blood toward the brain…

I tried to flip myself around, but a huge dizziness spell came over me and here I go tumbling off the couch. I felt my right hand and knee hit something that caused me great pain. Something fell on top of me (knee? To head?). And that hurt more than whatever my hand and knee hit… I’m in so much pain…

“AXEL!” People yelled my name; something went down because of me.

“Axel! Can you hear me?!” A worried voice said; that accent? Roxas, yeah I can hear you Britain jailbait.

“Yeah…” I tried to speak but it sound like a groan, I think? Oh, I flipped the coffee table on myself when I fell…well that explains why the back of my head feels like utter mush.

“Oh, he’s not out could; we’re good, maybe…” That same Britain; Roxas, said again.

“I think…I bruised my hand…” I said in my dizzy state, someone laughed; Larxene maybe.

“Uhhh…” Roxas? I think? Said or something? I tried to sit up but my head was just being controlled by dizziness. I should stop moving… So I let my body fall toward the floor, and landed on something soft. Roxas’ legs maybe.

“Uh…Axel?” He spoke again, questioning what I’m doing. Or if I’m okay, I have no clue.

“Shh…” I said with a muffled voice, so I guess my face is on his legs. This isn’t helping me stop the dizziness, so let’s try to flip myself around. I slowly pushed myself up and flipped myself around, then let my body fall on Roxas’ lap once more.

“My mind needs to stop getting dizzy spells, don’t move jailbait.” I told Roxas, I somehow made this day more interesting. _This is helping so much more_ …  The day started out like usual, then after Roxas came back from his session and had a “panic attack” from PTSD, and now me looking like I just went on the stupid Zipper three times in a row. I that ride so much, I had to ride that thing once because Demyx really wanted to and Zexion got motion-sickness after being on the spider. Fuck those rides, and Demyx for making me get on that horrible ride.

“Will you be alright?” Asked Roxas, my head is much clearer now. I opened one of my eyes and saw Roxas staring down at me, I could look at that face all day…wait, what? I shook that thought (mentally) out of my already messed up head.

“Yeah, gimme a few more minutes.” I said as I closed my eye and rested my brain and thoughts. I relaxed on Roxas lap; it’s clearer to say that I’m on his lap than on his legs.

“Thinking about the Zipper?” I heard Marluxia taunt, thanks for getting me dizzier.

“I’m gonna beat the shit out of you when my head stops spinning.” I threatened, I heard Larxene laugh again; good she’s onboard.

“Is the Zipper that bad?” Roxas asked. I opened my eyes and stared at him; he looked so confused. Does he not know what the Zipper is?

“It’s a torture chamber, that only psycho’s would try to go on.” Zexion then spoke; good spread the word of that piece of shit ride.

“Is it a fair ride?” Roxas asked, he doesn’t know what it is! Good, I can tell him to never ride that ever, even if people pleaded for him to go on.

“Yeah, and don’t try it if you hate spinning like crazy and/or get motion-sickness.” I told him, he still looked confused but nodded.

“Okay…so fuck that ride?” He said, oh my god, this kid is the worst jailbait possible. The way he said that was adorable, like a little kid agreeing with their parents to not play on the road.

“Yes.” Zexion simply said. Yes! Score for hating the Zipper! Fuck you, Demyx! I have told people to hate that ride! HAHAHAHAHA!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If some may have notice Roxas acts a bit moody, but that's some story for another chapter ;)
> 
> Fun Fact: I didn't know what Hautbois was in English so I chose that instrument and got Oboe.
> 
> Fun Fact #2 : A few friends and I went to a fair sometime in June and two of them went on the Zipper; one almost passed out the other was hyper as shit, I didn't go on it because I was already getting motion sickness from being on the spider twice in a row. So yeah there's that. xD


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! Got this done on akuroku day! Also I want to clear up a few things...if you are a French Canadian you start preschool/kindergarten by learning math, science, music, ect... in French with French terms; with the exception of English. Which is why Axel asked Zexion what an Oboe was, because he learned the term in French-Hautbois. Oh and another thing, the personalities of everyone are somewhat based on people I know... example...  
> Zack-a friend who can be overprotective and caring but then can also be serious and angry if needed.  
> Reno-my sister+other people  
> And same with events and the disorders, based around stuff that happened around me.
> 
> But I digress, enjoy this chapter.

_ROXAS_

So the Zipper is a fair ride I’m guessing. I’ve been to a theme park, but I never heard of a ride called the Zipper. I’ve been on a ride called Excalibur 2 and it was okay; I found it really slow to be on and would say that the Knightmare is a somewhat better ride. Those were rides at Camelot Theme Park; somewhere in the U.K. I remember going there when I was about six; waiting in the car for around two hours before we actually arrived there. And I also then went back there before it closed down.

But here I sit on my knees; with an Axel lying down on my lap and wondering if the Zipper is a horrible ride as everyone says it is. Should I try it the Zipper? No, I’m not gonna try it, seems like it would make me want to throw up from what I’ve been told.

Oh bloody hell, I’m shaking a lot. I hate hospitals or anything related to hospitals. Calm down, Roxas, calm down, and stop shaking.

_Some spirits are angry that you’re not letting them talk to you._

I’m well aware, but there’s just too many who want to talk and I can’t do shit. I’m can’t leave this place; unless someone visits me and I somehow escape.

_They’re mad at me because I can talk to you and am telling you about them._

Okay…Well shut up then, because I’m going to start shaking like a blender if you keep babbling on about nothing.

**Lis…ten…!**

Damn it, that fucking twat, my barrier is starting to break, today is not my day. Someone lightly took a hold of my wrists; looking down I saw that it was Axel. Who else would it be you idiot?

“You’re shaking, you okay or something?” Axel asked with concern, I stared at him before shaking my hands out of his grasp and my head.

“Uh, yeah… I’m fine.” I said with a slight lie. Well I am fine just battling spirits trying to break my barrier and thinking about random things…that isn’t a serious thing but I’m still thinking about stuff. Wow I sound like a nutter beginning to hatch from its shell. What the hell am I talking about? I’m making no sense, at all. Maybe all of the spirits personalities are clashing with mine…what the hell are you talking about, Roxas?

“You look very confused now.” Axel said, snapping me out of my dumb thoughts.

“I’m thinking about really dumb things.” I told him honestly, I could also be distracting myself from all of the spirits trying to force themselves in. And a few other things that I should try and forget about, is that it? Oh and Riku and…?

_The outside world?_

Saïx, shut up, you annoying shit.

Okay, I need to do something, I’m way too jumpy for this. I placed my hands behind Axel’s head and lifted his head up gently. He opened his eyes and gave me a questioning look, he opened his mouth before closing it and sitting up. I stood up and grabbed my sketchbook off of the coffee table and went toward the side chair. I crawled up on it; pulling my knees close to my chest, the sketchbook being placed between my legs and chest. Resting my head between my knees, wrapping my arms around my legs. Fuck…they’re draining my energy. These fucking spirits; I hate any place where spirits are really active (or where spirits like to flock to), really hate.

“Now you look drained, Angel.” Axel bluntly stated; I lifted my head and glared at him, really Angel?

“Because I am, now go away.” I said as I place my head back in-between my knees. I’m not going to sleep; if I do, I’ll be up at 5am or something that early. I heard someone walking towards me, and a hand being placed on my head. Lifting my head and opening my eyes, I saw Axel staring at me.

“Why?” I asked. I really don’t feel like dealing with his antics right now. He flipped a coffee table on himself and that’s the only antic I’ll help him out with right now. He removed his hand before opening his mouth.

“Well, you aren’t sick. So…is it because of Saïx?” He asked as he crossed his arms, while I stared at him; that’s right I told everyone about being a Medium (everyone being Zexion, Marluxia, Larxene and Axel).

“Yes and No.” I told him, he gave me a questioning a look. I sighed, I’ll tell him and hopefully he leaves me alone.

“Other spirits here are being fucking assholes! And won’t leave me alone.” I said. I felt someone touch the side of my neck; it kinda hurt. What the hell?! Did one of them just scratch me? I touched the left side of my neck, and felt something like liquid? I brought my hand back into view and saw blood, oh for fucks sake. I groaned and picked up my sketchbook with my right hand, Axel moved to the left and I threw it on the coffee table. I hate being a medium at times; especially if something like this happens. Fucking assholes, I hope they fuck off and stop trying to contact to me.

I began walking toward my room, someone coming with me; Axel most likely following me, I’m guessing. I walked into my room and then straight to the bathroom (I could call it a washroom, but it’s not for multiple people so bathroom it is). When I entered, it wasn’t Axel who came with me but Zexion. Yeah, I can deal with being with Zexion right now. I turned both of the tap handles and let the water flow for a little, scooping some up in my hands I leaned over the sink and gently placed my hands toward the scratches. I hissed at the contact.

“Hold on, I’ll wash it with a cloth.” Zexion said. I looked at him; he was holding a towel. I nodded and moved away from the sink, he placed a corner of the towel into the running water for a few seconds before turning them both off. He squeezed the wet end and let most of water go down the drain; he motioned for me to face him. He pressed the wet towel against the scratches, I hissed as he wiped the blood off of me as he gave me an apologetic look.

“How many lines?” I asked Zexion, he looked at me then moved the towel out of the way and looked at the marks.

“Three.” He replied, predictable.

“Deep or shallow?”

“Shallow.”

Shallow enough to break the skin, but not deep enough to cause major damage. Kinda reminds me of when Cloud was scratched by something, three short shallow marks along his back. He still hasn’t told me what he thinks attacked him, just always says ‘Something’ attacked him. Asshole…trying to control my emotions now too? I can’t believe these spirits.

“It sucks when you act one way but think another emotion, doesn’t it?” I said with a sigh.

“Hmm, yeah.” Zexion mumbled. I knew he would understand the feeling. Having Bipolar II Disorder and all, usually tries to act neutral but has depressing thoughts. Emotions are weird, especially when you have two polar opposites happening at the same time. How did he find out though? From being here or before even being here? I wonder…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> British things  
> Nutter - Crazy Person  
> Camelot Theme Park - Actual theme park in the UK that closed down in 2012  
> Excalibur 2 + Knightmare - Rides at Camelot Theme Park
> 
> Medium Things  
> Three marks - if anyone has watched the series "A Haunting, The Dead Files, Ghost Adventures, etc..." you'll know that spirits like the number 3 and either scratch you with 1 line or 3 lines  
> Emotions - Spirits can usually influence your emotion if you are emotional/moody (all depends on who you are)  
> Mind Barriers - some mediums can create barriers for themselves to ignore thoughts of evil spirits or just spirits in general


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, new chapter! This one is a little longer than the other chapters but it's cool. It was supposed to come out Monday (August 31st) but one of the ram memory cards broke and wouldn't load up my computer, I was pretty scared of losing all the files I had on here and the random snippets of story I had on my computer and not written on paper. But its all good now, had my bro got me another one (ram card) and its good now.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked Zexion; whom was dabbing the towel at the scratches on the left side of my neck.

“Sure,” He replied, shrugging.

“How did find out you’re Bipolar?” I then asked. He stopped moving his hand. Oh shit, I don’t think that was okay to ask, fuck. “I’m sorry; you don’t have to answer that!” I quickly said. Did I fuck up? I think I did…

“No, it’s alright,” He said as he continued to dab at the marks, “You just surprised me is all.”

“Oh…” I mumbled. I didn’t fuck up at least.

“I’ll tell you, but you’ll then have to tell me something.” He mused, ah sure, I’ll agree.

“Deal, I suppose.”

He took a breath before speaking.

“I began feeling depression a month after I turned fifteen. I thought it was just the normal _some teens get depression_ type of depression. After a few months, the depression slowly faded into a personality that was completely not my own; A hyperactive-angry personality.” He stated, and then turned toward the sink. He turned both handles and took another corner of the towel; placing it under the running water.

“That personality lasted for around a week before I faded back into depression. Two years the cycle went on and repeated until I took a psychology course and learned about mental disorders; many presentations about them.” He turned off the water and squeezed the wet end. Repeating a process from before, he continued his story.

“And then I found myself gravitating toward learning about Bipolar Disorder. During the same year, I researched the disorder and track my moods; feeling a connection toward the two,” He turned back to me, wiping the marks once more; I hissed at the newly cold water contact. Zexion gave me another apologetic look then continued once more. “The following year I asked my parents countless times to see a physiatrist or someone to help me and see if I really am Bipolar or something. They denied each time I asked, even when I wanted to get help with depression; they always denied. They didn’t want to believe or want one of their two children had a mental disorder…  Then just a few months ago, I had my mental collapse; almost cutting myself with a pair of scissors…”

“And that’s when you were admitted here.” I said. He nodded as he pressed the towel against my neck and took another breath.

“The doctors diagnosed me with Bipolar II Disorder, and my parents shunned me; ignoring me and not wanting to visit me anymore. My sister is the only one who still visits me…” He finished. Being shunned by both parents…on the same day too…that really must hurt. And he’s also been un-medicated for around five years, damn, some parents these days.

“Must’ve of been a long five years.” I said. He nodded, Zexion stopped wiping the scratches and stared at them; he frowned and gave a sigh.

“Stay still. Don’t move.” Zexion stated and I nodded. He put two fingers around the marks and began to squeeze.

“Ow!” I yelled, but didn’t move. I felt the blood sliding down my neck and Zexion wiping it with the towel. After a bit, he stopped wiping and looked at the scratches; he gave one last wipe before letting go of my neck.

“It should be good now, just don’t scratch it when it scabs.” He told me, as he placed the wet and bloody towel in the sink. I nodded, he then left the bathroom; I followed. He went over to sit at my desk; I went over to sit on the bed.

“So…what did you want to ask me about?” I asked Zexion, lying down on the bed in the process.

“When did you figure out you were a Medium?” He asked me, oh; well that’s a weird story. I gave a small chuckle.

“I don’t remember much of when I was younger, but I was very young; maybe four or five-years-old when I start hearing entities talk. At the time I thought it was just my imagination, but it got worse as I got older.” I began, I took a breath and rubbed the left side of my neck; feeling the bumps of the scratches.

“When I slept I saw faces, scenery, symbols, usually focusing around _World War II_. At the time I thought it was just people talking; being young and all. But when I heard it at a park when no one was around me, I of course, got suspicious in why I was hearing people talk when none were around. When I was around seven-years-old, I met my aunts’ family for the first time. And met my cousin; Vanitas, it was weird at first but we both learned that we could both hear things, but he could also see people who didn’t exist,” I ran my hand through my hair, and took another breath, “We grew closer on that, and kept the _hearing and seeing things_ a secret from everyone. Around a year later our older brothers found us talking and looking at nothing while we were in the park; we heard and he saw a dog spirit and ended up playing with it.”

I chuckled at the memory, we were such dumb kids. Befriending a dog spirit; at the park, but at least it didn’t tried to kill us.

“They questioned us about it; we played dumb, a little while later they questioned us again. We ended up telling them about what we heard and what he could see, they told us that it wasn’t exactly normal to hear and see dead people and things. Then also told us we could be a thing called Mediums, it was so weird; everything we heard and he saw, other people didn’t see and we had to understand that… It was really weird at first but we learned how to ignore, uh well, block certain entities and some other things,” I sat up and stretched my arms and back. “So, when I was eight or so I learned about being a Medium; thanks to my brother, Cloud and Squ-Leon telling us about it.” I finished, letting my arms fall to my sides. I almost forgot Leon hated being called Squall, why was he named Squall in the first place? I forgot… Zexion stood up and pushed the desk chair in.

“That’s understandable… Guess that concludes our _learning about each other_ type of thing.” He said with a nod, and headed toward the door. I think he mean “Bonding Session” but whatever, I followed him.

We left my room and I heard Axel saying stuff like, “I don’t want a hug, Marluxia. Marly, I’m being serious!” And Marluxia replying with, “You need a hug. You’re getting a hug, Ax, that’s period.” I already have a bad feeling about this. Zexion and I walked into the main area and saw Marluxia with open arms with Axel ready to punch him. I looked over at Zexion; he gave me a shrug before he went over to sit at the side-chair he was in before. I slowly made my way toward the other one; watching Marluxia and Axel carefully.

Axel began running away from Marluxia, Marluxia followed him, he tackled Axel from behind and they both fell face-first towards the floor. Marluxia began to laugh as Axel struggled to get free of his grasp.

“ _Calice_ …Marluxia!” Axel yelled, continuing to struggle out of Marluxia’s grasp. I slowly sat down and watched as the scene unravels; Marluxia was laughing as Axel was trying to push him off. Marluxia then let go of Axel and stood up, continuing to laugh. He began to head toward the dining hall; he raised his arm half-way before he spoke.

“So long, Bitch!” He said laughing; I heard Larxene laughing as well and saw Zexion looking at the down Axel. Axel said some more things in French; most likely swears ‘cause I have no clue what he’s saying, he stood up then, glaring at Marluxia while doing so.

“I swear - his dumb hugging thing is almost as annoying as Reno’s “do you love me?” shit.” He said with spite in his voice… So the hugging thing is normal with Marluxia and Reno does that weird “do you love me?” with a few people it seems. Well it would be obvious he say it to his brother (unless they’re cousins…). But it seems it’s dinner again, it felt like the day was over for me, but nope…still got a few more hours left of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending, i suppose was just comic relief for the thing with Zexion's parents. That hit close to home, since it happened to someone I know. Guess you could say, I live a very interesting life with lots of different people and events, but it happens when you live in a somewhat small Canadian city and go to an all French school; you meet lots of interesting people. Cough -Kinda like how I know a few LBQTA people- Cough
> 
> Translation  
> Calice - A word that expresses large amounts of anger? (Something like that)


	14. Authors Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking about a Hiatus

This story is going on Hiatus for a little bit, I really wish I could've gotten a new chapter out before this happened. 

Why is it going on Hiatus? Because I'm emotionally unstable to work on things. The past week has been shit, I lost friends, I fought with my parents (everyday), one of my friends tried to overdose, and to be honest, I feel really depressed. Parents won't do anything, nope, they'll only allow me to have sleeping pills. And just really emotionally unstable + stressed. Sorry about this everyone! I really love this story/fanfic and I hate to just drop it, so I'm putting it on Hiatus until I get better and my life isn't completely crazy.

Again SORRY!!! I LOVE EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED, MEANS A LOT!!!

 

I'll be back in hopefully two weeks or so, hopefully soon and stuff gets sorted out with no strings attached. 


	15. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been meaning to update but just never felt like it. Anyways, the next update won't be until end of January/February?? Sometime around then. Still on hiatus, until I feel ready to do every 2 week kind of updates again.
> 
> Warnings: Very brief mentions of religion (Christianity to be exact and its like a small thing)  
> &   
> Panic Attacks (You'll be reading what is being felt)
> 
> That is all for this part.

Zexion sat at the end of the table as Marluxia and Larxene took the two seats across from him. I sat beside Marluxia and Axel sat beside Larxene. It would’ve been the regular boring diner except that changed when Larxene grabbed Axel’s apple and threw her banana at him. Starting a fight with French words and fruit.

“ _Donne-moi ma pomme_.” Axel stated? Something, something apple, and was directed towards Larxene and taking the rare fruit we get during diner once in a blue moon.

“ _Non! Je suis allergique aux bananes_!” Larxene exclaimed back at him; hiding the apple on the other side of her. No, I something, something, bananas?

“ _Je vais botte ta face, si tu ne donne pas ma pomme!_ ” I should stop trying to translate as all I got from that was face and apple.

“ _T’es trops peur de me frappe, alors…_ screw you _!_ ” She said somewhat fast, it seems like she went back to English at the end.

“Is it spelt with a ‘K’ or ‘C’?” Axel replied with a smirk. Larxene opened her mouth to retort but quickly shut it and let her head fall onto the table beside her plate, beginning to fake cry as well. Well…I guess that was entertaining? Looking around I saw Axel with a smirk on his face, Zexion rolling his eyes, then Marluxia slightly laughing. I’m being honest in saying that this day has just been everywhere, as if the day just wanted to be moody as hell.

“ _Grosse phoque_ ” Axel mumbled towards Larxene, as he took a bite of now his banana. Wait, did he just call her _something fuck_ … Larxene continued to fake cry as everyone resumed their dinner. I have a feeling the few others that are here are used to their actions or shenanigans, they practically ignored the entire situation. Kind of confuses me on what they were talking about, I got most of it but otherwise I don’t know what they were arguing about. Marluxia then tapped on my shoulder (How do I know it’s Marluxia? Because he’s the only person on my left.), I looked over at him with a confused expression.

“Larxene’s allergic to bananas and when she texts, she usually spells ‘screw’ with a ‘K’ and not a ‘C’. Also Axel called her a giant seal.” He told me in a whisper.

“Oh,” Was my reply, I guess that makes sense. But…giant seal? I think it sounds better when said in French, otherwise it sounds dumb as hell. I looked around the room once more, outside the doorway was some nurses gossiping? I guess that fits since they’re laughing, talking, and looking inside the room a lot. On the other side of the room everyone else was eating in silence, looking back over I saw Larxene with her head down on the table, Zexion reading, Axel glaring at Larxene and Marluxia…turning my head.

“Keep facing the other way.” He said as he gently turned my head away from him. He pushed the hair behind the back of my head around, looking for something. I wanted to ask him what he was doing but he let go as soon as I opened my mouth to speak.

“You have a bruise on the back of your neck.” Marluxia said, removing his hands from the back of my neck. I nodded then turned my head and faced forwards, staring in Axel’s direction. Another mysterious bruise to add the collection, they always appear somewhere on my body. Some might say I’m too calm about the random bruises but they’ve been happening for as long as I can remember, along with cuts and scratches. They’re usually from spirits whom attack me during the middle of the night, I never feel them but I’ll notice certain ones fairly quickly due to them being noticeable. I had apparently been staring at Axel for a while as he called out to me.

“Roxas! Why are you staring at me with a blank expression?” He asked in a cheerful voice, I shook my head.

“Sorry,” I said as I got up from my chair. “I was lost in my own thoughts.”

I quickly pushed in my chair and left the dining hall. I felt the stares of others watching me leave; I paid no mind to them. There was this one stare that had me the most disturbed, it felt like a chilling and dark presence watching my every move. This was something different from before when all those spirits tried to break through, and when I was being influenced a few years back before moving to here. I guess I could say that the atmosphere here is much more peaceful than in the U.K. though there are some areas where it’s not so friendly…such as this hospital. Something was already here or someone brought it here.

I hate this feeling, really hate it. Something was going on but I wasn’t going to start to investigate and try to communicate, that’s suicide… From the feelings I’m getting it must something inhuman – not from this world – or a shadow person… The chills ran down my spine again, I stopped thinking about whatever it could be immediately.  I walked down towards my room, going into the bathroom. I turned both knobs of the sink on, letting the run for a little until it got warm enough for me to splash on my face. I did it once and stared down at the sink, letting the water fall from the tips of my hair. I splashed my face again, staring up at the mirror this time…there it was. The black mass, floating behind me…a shadow figure! My eyes widened when it got closer, I quickly turned and opened the bathroom door; running out of my room in general.

When I ran out of my room, I turned around and stared as the door closed. My back hit the door from across the way, I slid down and grabbed at my chest; feeling nothing. My emotions are making me vulnerable, I need it! I stood up and walked over to the nurse station, someone had stopped me and I told them I needed to speak to Ansem, as it’s an emergency. Ansem came out of his office and had asked what the problem was.

“I need the cross that I had with me when coming here.” I told him, staring up right into his eyes.

“I’m afraid I can’t allow that…your cross is fairly sharp.” He said with a sigh in his voice. But I felt myself getting angry and couldn’t control it.

“I’m not suicidal! I NEED IT!” I yelled at him, grabbing at his collar.  Once I realised I saw what I was doing, I let go and swore to myself. I stared down at the floor, that’s not what I wanted to happen.

“Belle, please grab Roxas’ cross from his stuff.” Ansem addressed one of the nurses; I heard a female voice say okay and then footsteps walking away. He’s going to give it to me? Oh thank god…literally.   
A few moments later the nurse – Belle – came by with her hands cupped around something, he light brown was lightly curled in a high ponytail, her soft brown eyes looked almost unsure as she handed the object to Ansem. He thanked her and held out his palm with my gold cross and chain in his palm. I reluctantly took it and thanked him quietly. I took the necklace and put it over my head and around my neck, feeling more at ease once it was on.

“Are you alright now?” He asked, staring down at me. I nodded and walked away from him, walking towards the main room. I held onto my cross, twirling it around in my hand. Sure it was sharp around the edges but I never paid mind go how sharp it actually was. Heading toward the windows, I stared outside. We’re in the middle of the city, skyscrapers were everywhere with lots of tooting as well. I never realised how disturbed I felt in this area, the old buildings along with how homeless walked around from across of the street...a rich hospital in a poor area.

I began feeling more calm from my cross but disturbed as well from the area. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a dark figure pass by behind me from the reflection of the grass, stopping right beside Axel. My eyes widened and quickly turned around, turning to see nothing but Axel chatting away with Marluxia. This is not a delusion, something’s here and it seems like its following myself and Axel. But the question is why… NO! I shouldn’t try to investigate, it’s too dangerous. I need sleep, to calm myself down and regain my emotional state.

I began walking towards my room once more, still gripping my cross. Once in front of my door I was reluctant to go inside, but once I touched the doorknob I didn’t feel anything. There was no eerie feeling like when I was that once house over-seas where there was someone there. It was odd, but I went in anyways. I heard water running; remember that I left sink running. Going in the bathroom I turned off the tap and walked over to the bed. I left the light on; feeling unsafe without it on.

I fell asleep that night with my entire body shaking, the sense of someone – no…something – watching my every move like a vulture. From the moment I closed my eyes; I never relaxed, my brain was on constant repeat of the words “keep them out. Keep it out!” Everyone is vulnerable when they sleep, but I was to make sure that I could keep everyone and everything out. Deep sleep over came me, but that didn’t mean I was safe from the dreams of should I say nightmares I kept having each time I woke up.

Each nightmare was different but at the same time similar. I was there along with the tall shadow figure, it always laughed at me in its deep dark dry voice; laugh at me going insane, being stabbed, burned alive, or just plain old possession and never being able to get myself exorcised. And I finally awoke with a jump; sitting upwards and my chest tight, along with my lungs. I’m going to have a panic attack… I quickly evened my breathing, placing a hand over my chest for comfort. My lungs began to relax and I was able to calm down a lot. Closing my eyes I rest for a moment, letting my brain tell me that it’s going to be okay.

I don’t think I’ll last, however many more days, weeks, or even months; I’ll be here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Donne-moi ma pomme - Give me my apple  
> Non! Je suis allergique aux bananes - No! I'm allergic to bananas.   
> Je vais botte ta face, si tu ne donne pas ma pomme! - I will kick your face, if you don't give me my apple  
> T’es trops peur de me frappe, alors... - You're too scared to hit me, so...  
> Grosse Phoque - Giant Seal
> 
> Honestly one of the funniest things you can say to a non-french speaker is Grosse Phoque and tell them you called them a giant seal.


End file.
